How is it that when one is not meant to do something and tries the Universe seems to throw one obstacle after another in a way. I had been planning with a friend of mine to drive to QLD and see my friends and family. Well, closer the trip has started to come more obstacles are being thrown in a way. First my friend got sick and really had us all worried and I have taken almost two weeks off first to look after him and then just to have a rest and some free time for myself after many months of stress and trials. That is expensive as I work as a casual person and I only get paid for when I work.
Next my eye test revealed that I needed new glasses.... well just the lenses alone because of my prescription cost well over $ 600 A and that is without the frames. Then the gas, electricity and the phone bills arrived the same day. Well... needless to say the trip is off and somehow am disappointed, but also almost relieved. To my experience once one has to start swimming upstream like a salmon it is just not meant to be for reasons only known to the Higher Authority and if things are meant to happen they do and will without much effort as the Universe seemingly just supports and clears way for the plans for them to happen.
I obviously was meant to attend an ADFA ( Australian Defence Force Academy) Rec Day for Canteen at the end of this month as when I got the e-mail from the coordinator having only one place left for the Volunteers to go and as I called him if it still was avail he was happy to invite me along to play amongst the teenagers and the soldiers with their boats, rifle range and water obstacle course. Wow... I was happy as I am a big kid although rather stiff with age and the good ol' arthritis. The water obstacle course I might have to sit out, but I'll be wolf whistling all the way, heheh.... the ol' Witch I am.
So no QLD trip for this year, but hopefully the next. Bugger, but if the fates step in so then I listen because simply won't have the means to go.
Tomorrow I shall go for a picnic in a place called Vee Jasper and attempt to see and listen why all of a sudden after years I am called in by my intuition and the place. I shall also see if I will find some crystals.... see if Mother Earth gifts me with some.
Oh well, life is an adventure and it always does not go the way expected, but let go of the expectations and a surprise or two could be in the wind and around the corner. I remember with the Lifeline course years ago there was a saying that let go off the river bank, stop fighting the current and let the river take you where you are meant to go and so it shall. That is how I have attempted to live my life the past 2 weeks at least and I like it. No big plans, no expectations thus no disappointments... just go with the flow. We will see if and what is ahead of me if I trust enough to just float with the River of My Life.
Ciao,
BF13
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
Monday, October 1, 2007
Winging it.....
Howdy and so on.... Dear Diary.
I am sitting here a little blank and almost in a zombie mode as I am sort of out of my body in my state of DON'T CARE, DON'T KNOW AND DON'T GIVE A DAMN. Plans seem to have this funny way of going way out of the of the order and am just shrugging my shoulders and throwing my hands in the air.
Last few weeks I have been planning to go to QLD to visit my family and friends.... well that's outta window it seems as I have now just no interest at this moment and I am suppose to drive off on the 1st of November. Finances, work, health and general dis-interest are standing in my way like a bloody brick wall that I just could not be bothered to climb over at the moment. I COULD get over it, but it just seems like too much bother at the moment. What is it in plans and me that when I plan they tend to stand on the head in the end and nothing seems to come out of them and when I don't plan life just seems to sweep me along in it's own rhythm and pace and I am just floating along doing whatever it is that I am doing at the time.
So I have resolved to wing it as the Masters are supposedly doing and just see way the River of My Life takes me. Surprises as long as they are pleasant and bring joy are good so this is what I am resolving in getting.... bugger, but that is a plan, too. Oh well, I will just sit and wait. Eventually the Heavens will show me the way I am suppose to travel. It seems I am in a sort of Hiatus at the moment. Quite before the storm is it or is it the eye of the storm...? I don't mind storms as long as they have a moderate power to cleanse and re-new a tired and worn out energy and replace the heavy and seemingly pointless existence with something fresh, new and vibrant. Blow the cobwebs out of one's life and being and wake me up from the deep slumber I seem to fall into every so often. It is time for the quite and then time for the action.
The World just keeps on turning and I on it with countless others whom also feel sleepy and lame. I actually don't care and don't find it too disturbing. It's like I have been placed inside a cocoon and am kept somewhat separate and all the sounds and surrounds seem muffled and separated from me. I look, but am removed from the masses and last week and this week am truly removed as am not even going to work, but am impulsed to stay home and cocoon myself so totally that even being in the shops to get milk is almost impossibly trying. What is going on in the World and especially in mine?
My higher friends Leyla and Zach have been quiet and very un-noticed. Hmmm.... talk about integrating totally or then they have whamoozed into the higher realms as this one could kill any kind and jovial soul full of oomph and zest for life. Oh well, whatevv-verr-rr I say.... I am ju-ust going to enjoy my days of rest, re-coup and cocooning. Maybe am just flying over the cocoo's nest and have fallen in without noticing it.... YOH!!!!!
BF13 :-)
I am sitting here a little blank and almost in a zombie mode as I am sort of out of my body in my state of DON'T CARE, DON'T KNOW AND DON'T GIVE A DAMN. Plans seem to have this funny way of going way out of the of the order and am just shrugging my shoulders and throwing my hands in the air.
Last few weeks I have been planning to go to QLD to visit my family and friends.... well that's outta window it seems as I have now just no interest at this moment and I am suppose to drive off on the 1st of November. Finances, work, health and general dis-interest are standing in my way like a bloody brick wall that I just could not be bothered to climb over at the moment. I COULD get over it, but it just seems like too much bother at the moment. What is it in plans and me that when I plan they tend to stand on the head in the end and nothing seems to come out of them and when I don't plan life just seems to sweep me along in it's own rhythm and pace and I am just floating along doing whatever it is that I am doing at the time.
So I have resolved to wing it as the Masters are supposedly doing and just see way the River of My Life takes me. Surprises as long as they are pleasant and bring joy are good so this is what I am resolving in getting.... bugger, but that is a plan, too. Oh well, I will just sit and wait. Eventually the Heavens will show me the way I am suppose to travel. It seems I am in a sort of Hiatus at the moment. Quite before the storm is it or is it the eye of the storm...? I don't mind storms as long as they have a moderate power to cleanse and re-new a tired and worn out energy and replace the heavy and seemingly pointless existence with something fresh, new and vibrant. Blow the cobwebs out of one's life and being and wake me up from the deep slumber I seem to fall into every so often. It is time for the quite and then time for the action.
The World just keeps on turning and I on it with countless others whom also feel sleepy and lame. I actually don't care and don't find it too disturbing. It's like I have been placed inside a cocoon and am kept somewhat separate and all the sounds and surrounds seem muffled and separated from me. I look, but am removed from the masses and last week and this week am truly removed as am not even going to work, but am impulsed to stay home and cocoon myself so totally that even being in the shops to get milk is almost impossibly trying. What is going on in the World and especially in mine?
My higher friends Leyla and Zach have been quiet and very un-noticed. Hmmm.... talk about integrating totally or then they have whamoozed into the higher realms as this one could kill any kind and jovial soul full of oomph and zest for life. Oh well, whatevv-verr-rr I say.... I am ju-ust going to enjoy my days of rest, re-coup and cocooning. Maybe am just flying over the cocoo's nest and have fallen in without noticing it.... YOH!!!!!
BF13 :-)
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Will and the last testament.... crikey....and other stuff...
Well, another day has dawned and the World is still spinning as it has for millenniums. I have been sitting and reading my Will Kit and I have come to a conclusion it is all too complicated and silly for someone with no assets and lot of money in a bank. My goodness... my poor ol' stuff... who cares where it goes am sure and my kids won't want some of it so into Revolve shop me thinks it'll go. I am sure as I will go on for a while longer that eventually I will part with some of the more important stuff ( like the few things I have from the ol' country) and give them out to my kids, but only to those whom are interested in keeping them. I am once again in my unloading state and thus will look at what I can toss and give away.
It must be a periodic Nomad energies that engulf me and so I proceed to unburden myself of useless and old belongings to a tune of putting my clothing that I have not worn for past 2-3 years ( no, I won't lose weight...) into charity bags. Consequently that is why I have few belongings as I lighten myself up every couple of years and feel a little more free. This means there are hardly anything of any value to leave for my family as either they already have it or I never took it when I left the ex and left all of it behind to start afresh. I did not want the old energy dragging behind so I felt if I left it all par from the few domestic things and the presents which I had received from my family and the friends I'd be more free from the influences of our soured relationship and marriage as I struggled to start again and find myself and my purpose and I was right. It indeed assisted not having the energy stored in the " stuff" messing around in my life as I found it hard and messy enough going in every way to begin with. The scariest and the most soul searching journey that new beginning was as I never had been alone in my whole 37 years on this Earth and all of a sudden I was totally alone and responsible for everything in my life. It was like being a Babe in the Woods.... SCARY, lonely and DARK with strange noises, people and things. But I learned to navigate the Woods and became comfortable eventually and now I look forward to each new adventure.
The first Xmas alone after the 6 months was just most soul tearing experience, but at the same time the most educational time of my life. I understood then why that time of the year people commit most suicides.... no wonder as the loneliness is magnified thousand times when everybody else in the World is with Family and Friends and one it seems is the ONLY one alone. Of course there are millions of people alone at that time, but for me whom never had been it was a truly difficult and heart rending day. My Children whom were teenagers at the time stayed with their father as he to that date had been an exceptional parent and I felt they would be far safer and more settled staying with him and in their home rather than me whom was so totally lost in the wilderness those times. I know they had a hard and difficult time also adjusting, but they have come through it as exceptional adults and I am forever and extremely proud of them and grateful for the strong souls they are.
On the hind sight now am so bloody glad I survived as the personal growth was enormous and ever so welcome and I have become a far nicer, braver, able to laugh at life and myself and far more compassionate woman and a human being than what I was before. In fact I do not know the woman I was when I look at the photos taken before leaving over the years of the marriage. I look at a total stranger... who was she???? Indeed the change was so dramatic that I became a new and a different person or was it that I finally started to dig myself out from underneath of the other peoples' and my own old patterning and expectations and my own weakness to stand up and be counted as whom I really was rather than the mask that I had built up to hide behind. I feel compassion for that poor, lost soul and am ever so grateful for the 'horror' times in the past because they tempered me into who I am today, independent, compassionate and strong woman with an eccentric streak.
Nevertheless, I still don't have much to 'WILL' to anyone in my immediate family. I suppose as long as I have taken care of the expense of my 'last rites' at least I won't leave my family to worry about getting the carcass cremated. I suppose I have my Super, but if the World's economy keeps falling like it has begun well... it may not be worth the paper it's written on.
I hope I have imparted some good, kind and wise thing to my Family so that will be my legacy then. It is said that if we know that even one Life has breathed easier because we have lived, this is to have succeeded. How true.... a great legacy. Mother Theresa must be an Arch Angel in the Heavens by her Legacy then... I bloody well expect so.
I am not worried departing as such, but wanted my eventual Final Curtain not to cost thousands of dollars to my kids so I took a Funeral Plan. It gave me a peace of mind and if my quiz in it was correct I should look forward to my 93rd birthday. If am not healthy and happy it is then time for me to go and take a hike at the Himalayas or some vastly snowy country like some natives up in Arctic do and never return. Bugger it for a joke rotting in some nursing home... they'd throw me out anyhow for being a total pest and a rebel, leading a revolt against the system of mushed and mashed/blended goop and thickened fluids. Once the body is in the danger of not handling an adult diet and my bladder and bowels are in danger of going back to the babyhood it is a high time to expire, keel over, stop, drop and roll in an instant. JC and all the rest of the Saints won't want me joining them with the racket I'll be making on my entry in that case..." GIMME the BLOODY CONTRACT I WROTE NAPPIES and the GOOP INTO.....NOW!!!!! I WANNA SEE IT!!!!!" ... and if it is true my Higher Self would be a very wise Higher Self if it indeed migrated into another dimension in another Universe because I'd be on a HUNT. Hehehe.....LOL.
So I shall write my "will" and give it to my oldest son for the safe keeping with the Funeral Plan and he can do as he wills with it. I won't be here to sort it out, but probably sorting out my contractual mistakes at the Pearly Gates. They ( the Spirit Guides) are already perhaps planning my next incarnation or maybe their own post haste after my arrival to the Gates. Like I have said " Heaven doesn't want me and the Hell's afraid I'll take over..." HEHEH....
BF13 :-)
It must be a periodic Nomad energies that engulf me and so I proceed to unburden myself of useless and old belongings to a tune of putting my clothing that I have not worn for past 2-3 years ( no, I won't lose weight...) into charity bags. Consequently that is why I have few belongings as I lighten myself up every couple of years and feel a little more free. This means there are hardly anything of any value to leave for my family as either they already have it or I never took it when I left the ex and left all of it behind to start afresh. I did not want the old energy dragging behind so I felt if I left it all par from the few domestic things and the presents which I had received from my family and the friends I'd be more free from the influences of our soured relationship and marriage as I struggled to start again and find myself and my purpose and I was right. It indeed assisted not having the energy stored in the " stuff" messing around in my life as I found it hard and messy enough going in every way to begin with. The scariest and the most soul searching journey that new beginning was as I never had been alone in my whole 37 years on this Earth and all of a sudden I was totally alone and responsible for everything in my life. It was like being a Babe in the Woods.... SCARY, lonely and DARK with strange noises, people and things. But I learned to navigate the Woods and became comfortable eventually and now I look forward to each new adventure.
The first Xmas alone after the 6 months was just most soul tearing experience, but at the same time the most educational time of my life. I understood then why that time of the year people commit most suicides.... no wonder as the loneliness is magnified thousand times when everybody else in the World is with Family and Friends and one it seems is the ONLY one alone. Of course there are millions of people alone at that time, but for me whom never had been it was a truly difficult and heart rending day. My Children whom were teenagers at the time stayed with their father as he to that date had been an exceptional parent and I felt they would be far safer and more settled staying with him and in their home rather than me whom was so totally lost in the wilderness those times. I know they had a hard and difficult time also adjusting, but they have come through it as exceptional adults and I am forever and extremely proud of them and grateful for the strong souls they are.
On the hind sight now am so bloody glad I survived as the personal growth was enormous and ever so welcome and I have become a far nicer, braver, able to laugh at life and myself and far more compassionate woman and a human being than what I was before. In fact I do not know the woman I was when I look at the photos taken before leaving over the years of the marriage. I look at a total stranger... who was she???? Indeed the change was so dramatic that I became a new and a different person or was it that I finally started to dig myself out from underneath of the other peoples' and my own old patterning and expectations and my own weakness to stand up and be counted as whom I really was rather than the mask that I had built up to hide behind. I feel compassion for that poor, lost soul and am ever so grateful for the 'horror' times in the past because they tempered me into who I am today, independent, compassionate and strong woman with an eccentric streak.
Nevertheless, I still don't have much to 'WILL' to anyone in my immediate family. I suppose as long as I have taken care of the expense of my 'last rites' at least I won't leave my family to worry about getting the carcass cremated. I suppose I have my Super, but if the World's economy keeps falling like it has begun well... it may not be worth the paper it's written on.
I hope I have imparted some good, kind and wise thing to my Family so that will be my legacy then. It is said that if we know that even one Life has breathed easier because we have lived, this is to have succeeded. How true.... a great legacy. Mother Theresa must be an Arch Angel in the Heavens by her Legacy then... I bloody well expect so.
I am not worried departing as such, but wanted my eventual Final Curtain not to cost thousands of dollars to my kids so I took a Funeral Plan. It gave me a peace of mind and if my quiz in it was correct I should look forward to my 93rd birthday. If am not healthy and happy it is then time for me to go and take a hike at the Himalayas or some vastly snowy country like some natives up in Arctic do and never return. Bugger it for a joke rotting in some nursing home... they'd throw me out anyhow for being a total pest and a rebel, leading a revolt against the system of mushed and mashed/blended goop and thickened fluids. Once the body is in the danger of not handling an adult diet and my bladder and bowels are in danger of going back to the babyhood it is a high time to expire, keel over, stop, drop and roll in an instant. JC and all the rest of the Saints won't want me joining them with the racket I'll be making on my entry in that case..." GIMME the BLOODY CONTRACT I WROTE NAPPIES and the GOOP INTO.....NOW!!!!! I WANNA SEE IT!!!!!" ... and if it is true my Higher Self would be a very wise Higher Self if it indeed migrated into another dimension in another Universe because I'd be on a HUNT. Hehehe.....LOL.
So I shall write my "will" and give it to my oldest son for the safe keeping with the Funeral Plan and he can do as he wills with it. I won't be here to sort it out, but probably sorting out my contractual mistakes at the Pearly Gates. They ( the Spirit Guides) are already perhaps planning my next incarnation or maybe their own post haste after my arrival to the Gates. Like I have said " Heaven doesn't want me and the Hell's afraid I'll take over..." HEHEH....
BF13 :-)
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
...end to the Mish Mash and the other...
Well, reading the last piece I thought of deleting it and then I remembered couple of the sayings I had received from my Daughter-in-Law.
~Do not make some priority in your life if you are only an option in theirs, Relationships work best when in balance.
~ You don't need to explain yourself as those who like you don't need it and those who don't like you won't believe it.
How apt and true.
So I left the piece in....and decided to move on with more than one part of my life. One cannot touch any part of the river again because it will have gone never to return and so I want to enjoy each part of the river before it's gone never to return again. Life is a same as it just flows and is gone before we know it. The parts of the river that have flown on are only a memory and no use living with regrets as there is no way bringing back what is already passed. So I now have resolved to look forward in this journey and not backward as the 'Lone Wolf' is moving on. All that is gone has and all that is ahead is waiting to be explored with new friends, experiences and adventures. Life is to be lived not remembered only. To look over the shoulder to what has been or gone is to miss out in what is ahead of us because we are so busy rubber necking backwards. Yesterday is gone never to return, tomorrow is a mystery for us to explore when it becomes Today and today is a PRESENT and that is why it is called such. Happy exploring in the PRESENT, the very moment we are in NOW. No regrets, but well learned lessons....
Viva LA Viva!
~Do not make some priority in your life if you are only an option in theirs, Relationships work best when in balance.
~ You don't need to explain yourself as those who like you don't need it and those who don't like you won't believe it.
How apt and true.
So I left the piece in....and decided to move on with more than one part of my life. One cannot touch any part of the river again because it will have gone never to return and so I want to enjoy each part of the river before it's gone never to return again. Life is a same as it just flows and is gone before we know it. The parts of the river that have flown on are only a memory and no use living with regrets as there is no way bringing back what is already passed. So I now have resolved to look forward in this journey and not backward as the 'Lone Wolf' is moving on. All that is gone has and all that is ahead is waiting to be explored with new friends, experiences and adventures. Life is to be lived not remembered only. To look over the shoulder to what has been or gone is to miss out in what is ahead of us because we are so busy rubber necking backwards. Yesterday is gone never to return, tomorrow is a mystery for us to explore when it becomes Today and today is a PRESENT and that is why it is called such. Happy exploring in the PRESENT, the very moment we are in NOW. No regrets, but well learned lessons....
Viva LA Viva!
Sunday, August 5, 2007
More mish and mash....with miracles and Butterflies...
My Goodness I must say I have had a busy few days. My friend and a soul- sister flew in on Wednesday evening and we had dinner the following evening with a old friend of ours and my Hosemate. The old friend has picked on my heart strings for quite awhile, but I doubt he'd know or feel the same heart connection as I do, but as we are of a same soul family the connection is deep and lasting no other way about it. Friend of mine a while back took our birth dates and calculated and drew lines and told me we were of the same soul family. Well, it was an explanation for the close and at times attractive connection, but it seems that this man I feel very deeply for is not the river that would take me home as such as he does not seem to feel the same love connection to me as I do to him. Such is life and we cannot push the river even if we ever so wanted to and I have as life and destiny are their own Masters. At times one feels as if the life and love are part of Murphy's Law and who knows someone else meant for me could just be around the corner, waiting to meet me. Soul-mates are many in this life and one of the psychics in one of the magazines said I would re-marry one day. To love someone is an amazing gift to forward to that person no matter what as they will receive that energy no matter even if they are not aware of receiving such. It will never hurt, but bless and lighten their days and lives as the energy of Love is the strongest and most healing energy to be received and what a gift from a heart it is to those receiving it. It may also be returned without the concious awarness and the energy vibrates back and forth like a golden, warm, sunny waves, healing and bonding those hearts involved.
My soul- sister will be leaving tomorrow morning to fly back to her soul-mate and a lover. The wedding will follow in next couple of years and am hoping mine will join me in time for that amazing celebration. I am missing my friend already, but we will drive up to visit her and family hopefully next month as both my house-mate and I want to also have a bit of a tour to see what gives as far as moving at least for awhile. I think I need to get away from hopeless and confusing situations in my life and hopefully clear my head from cobwebs of this life and it's experiences including seemingly unreturned love.
Ho-hum what a dreary and hopeless feel to this Blog.... heheh. I am not as heart broken as I sound, just little melancholic and wishing not to have to drag myself through the muddy waters of my own making as I slosh in waves of my emotions. SIGH!!!!!
Love and it's many splendid things.... and like what are they I ask.... hmmmm. Learning, more learning and so it goes.....
I pray my Guides and Father/Mother God/ess will bring me through this stinging and smarting stormy affair of my heart and lead me to the still waters of a safe and a sunny harbour. I will wait for the miracle.
Miracles and Butterflies,
BF13 :-)
My soul- sister will be leaving tomorrow morning to fly back to her soul-mate and a lover. The wedding will follow in next couple of years and am hoping mine will join me in time for that amazing celebration. I am missing my friend already, but we will drive up to visit her and family hopefully next month as both my house-mate and I want to also have a bit of a tour to see what gives as far as moving at least for awhile. I think I need to get away from hopeless and confusing situations in my life and hopefully clear my head from cobwebs of this life and it's experiences including seemingly unreturned love.
Ho-hum what a dreary and hopeless feel to this Blog.... heheh. I am not as heart broken as I sound, just little melancholic and wishing not to have to drag myself through the muddy waters of my own making as I slosh in waves of my emotions. SIGH!!!!!
Love and it's many splendid things.... and like what are they I ask.... hmmmm. Learning, more learning and so it goes.....
I pray my Guides and Father/Mother God/ess will bring me through this stinging and smarting stormy affair of my heart and lead me to the still waters of a safe and a sunny harbour. I will wait for the miracle.
Miracles and Butterflies,
BF13 :-)
Monday, July 30, 2007
Mish Mash of Feelings
Oh well, the Xmas in July is over. Cooked like a mad woman and could not even look at it afterward, not even the next day. That's the trouble with me when I cook a lot... I have a real problem eating it afterwards as I have smelled, tasted, handled and looked at the cooking for hours I feel as if I have been eating it for hours also. Everyone else enjoyed it and my kids went home with heaps happily and I sipped (may as well have sat in the bottle) red wine. Huh, somewhat excessively as I found myself trying to remember the end of the evening. It got lost somewhere in my hazy , wine laden brain and I felt as if I missed out on something. Well, I felt real embarrassed later on Sunday as generally one can make a fool of themselves at that stage. Never mind I was assured by my daughter I had only got 'deep and meaningful' as she put it and loved everyone. Oh Boy.....
Never mind.... one of my best lifetime friends is flying in tomorrow evening. She has been like a sister to me for over 2 decades and in the disappointment and the sad situation with another whom I thought was the same, but as I found was not after all, this friend has been a fine comfort, a solid and steady influence and a voice of reason. I have come to a conclusion that some people are here for a reason, season or a lifetime and this one seems a lifetime one where the other was there for whatever reason and I'd say that was for learning. Disappointing and sad that one finds others having their personal agendas for a friendship where it is a sense of power and control or was it a perhaps a sense of competition for a man's affections as may have been in this case. She did not have to compete for it with me, but with the lady in England as that is where his heart lies as he admitted he had started to develop feelings for her last year. Like I have said before one cannot push a river and make others love one and in this case she joined the other twittering bunch of women glamoring for his attentions and they all are left behind this Friday as he'll fly out to his lady love. She just managed to lose a loyal and steadfast friend with her undeserved trashing of my trust and her trying to flex her muscle in this family being a mere acquaintance to that part of this family. Somehow her loss ain't stinging as badly as I thought it would as she took my trust and trashed it in her attempt to climb the pole to this man. Once the trust is gone one might as well kiss the relationship goodbye no matter what it is . I realize that one is not a true friend if one treats someone like that.Very juvenile also to throw something back in a belittling manner that one trusted her with in a confidence. No more.... I learned and I also lost my respect for her. What a drama and what a life experience. I will build a bridge and get over it.
Onto more pleasant things....leave the negative behind....
I am thinking of joining the local Tibetan Buddhist group for a meditations on Sundays. Feel like I need some peace and abiding calm amongst the chaos that seems to be around. I also feel like a sea change to go and leave some of this behind at least for awhile. I am truly feeling oddly disjointed and unhappy this morning. I know there is lot of energy going on with all the changes and it affects everyone. I am feeling heavy, sad , depressed and disjointed like I need something... just don't know what it is.... love perhaps. They say love heals anything and so maybe all I need is love, hmm.
Love, the elusive thing we all look for and some 'wise' people have said that we have to find it within ourselves first before we can love others and true it may be as if one is happy within one can and will give of it freely from within. I am usually quite a happy and smiley person and have these bubbles of joy within, but today they feel flat and sad, missing something. There have been situations in my life even as far as my childhood that have come back to haunt me in their negativity. I understand that lot of it is so I can look at them, forgive them and then let them go, but at times it overwhelms me as some I find are harder to let go of. I seem to be have been rejected a hell of a lot in my life by the parents, various men, friends and strangers. Sometimes the rejection stung deeply because the changes were not within my power like as a child. Most of it I don't worry about so much, but some still rankle and hurt. I have been able to work through some as I can see that the people involved only did their best/worst with what they had at the time and only I can change it now by forgiving the trespasses and go on with a clean slate. In men category it still continues as not so much as rejections any longer, but a pure disinterest. One of the biggest rejections of course was when my second husband at the time came out as a gay man. Now THAT was a major hit below the belt for me as a woman, a person and a wife. Eventually as I was able to surface from that horror I finally began to see that it was not me, but his weaknesses and his inability to face his life as he was that brought about this major, major scene into my unsuspecting view. I worked with it to best of my ability and I must say I grew up somewhat cynical, bruised, battered, but not beaten. I still believe in true love which is a pure miracle I feel after the lifetime experiences I have had with it. True love I believe is around, but is one fortunate enough to receive it? Nevertheless I believe in it's existence and some are indeed fortunate enough to receive it as my friend whom is flying in can attest to. I in my 53rd year rolling on toward me have not yet felt it nor met it face to face par from the love I feel and receive from my Twin in the higher realms. But as here in the physical na-na. Hope lives on though even if it fades to nothing at times and then after a my little, pink piggy moment feeling sorry for myself I get mad with myself and march a little more determined towards my future. I don't believe that having a mere male in one's life will bring any kind of a blessing, but having one's own heart singing with joy and peace will and then THAT attracts the one whom matches one's own higher vibration. I don't want mediocre, but the best for me and that which serves the highest good for me as well as him, but all others around us. The best is yet to come as they say and that's how I will sign off....
Viva LA Viva......:-)
BF13
Never mind.... one of my best lifetime friends is flying in tomorrow evening. She has been like a sister to me for over 2 decades and in the disappointment and the sad situation with another whom I thought was the same, but as I found was not after all, this friend has been a fine comfort, a solid and steady influence and a voice of reason. I have come to a conclusion that some people are here for a reason, season or a lifetime and this one seems a lifetime one where the other was there for whatever reason and I'd say that was for learning. Disappointing and sad that one finds others having their personal agendas for a friendship where it is a sense of power and control or was it a perhaps a sense of competition for a man's affections as may have been in this case. She did not have to compete for it with me, but with the lady in England as that is where his heart lies as he admitted he had started to develop feelings for her last year. Like I have said before one cannot push a river and make others love one and in this case she joined the other twittering bunch of women glamoring for his attentions and they all are left behind this Friday as he'll fly out to his lady love. She just managed to lose a loyal and steadfast friend with her undeserved trashing of my trust and her trying to flex her muscle in this family being a mere acquaintance to that part of this family. Somehow her loss ain't stinging as badly as I thought it would as she took my trust and trashed it in her attempt to climb the pole to this man. Once the trust is gone one might as well kiss the relationship goodbye no matter what it is . I realize that one is not a true friend if one treats someone like that.Very juvenile also to throw something back in a belittling manner that one trusted her with in a confidence. No more.... I learned and I also lost my respect for her. What a drama and what a life experience. I will build a bridge and get over it.
Onto more pleasant things....leave the negative behind....
I am thinking of joining the local Tibetan Buddhist group for a meditations on Sundays. Feel like I need some peace and abiding calm amongst the chaos that seems to be around. I also feel like a sea change to go and leave some of this behind at least for awhile. I am truly feeling oddly disjointed and unhappy this morning. I know there is lot of energy going on with all the changes and it affects everyone. I am feeling heavy, sad , depressed and disjointed like I need something... just don't know what it is.... love perhaps. They say love heals anything and so maybe all I need is love, hmm.
Love, the elusive thing we all look for and some 'wise' people have said that we have to find it within ourselves first before we can love others and true it may be as if one is happy within one can and will give of it freely from within. I am usually quite a happy and smiley person and have these bubbles of joy within, but today they feel flat and sad, missing something. There have been situations in my life even as far as my childhood that have come back to haunt me in their negativity. I understand that lot of it is so I can look at them, forgive them and then let them go, but at times it overwhelms me as some I find are harder to let go of. I seem to be have been rejected a hell of a lot in my life by the parents, various men, friends and strangers. Sometimes the rejection stung deeply because the changes were not within my power like as a child. Most of it I don't worry about so much, but some still rankle and hurt. I have been able to work through some as I can see that the people involved only did their best/worst with what they had at the time and only I can change it now by forgiving the trespasses and go on with a clean slate. In men category it still continues as not so much as rejections any longer, but a pure disinterest. One of the biggest rejections of course was when my second husband at the time came out as a gay man. Now THAT was a major hit below the belt for me as a woman, a person and a wife. Eventually as I was able to surface from that horror I finally began to see that it was not me, but his weaknesses and his inability to face his life as he was that brought about this major, major scene into my unsuspecting view. I worked with it to best of my ability and I must say I grew up somewhat cynical, bruised, battered, but not beaten. I still believe in true love which is a pure miracle I feel after the lifetime experiences I have had with it. True love I believe is around, but is one fortunate enough to receive it? Nevertheless I believe in it's existence and some are indeed fortunate enough to receive it as my friend whom is flying in can attest to. I in my 53rd year rolling on toward me have not yet felt it nor met it face to face par from the love I feel and receive from my Twin in the higher realms. But as here in the physical na-na. Hope lives on though even if it fades to nothing at times and then after a my little, pink piggy moment feeling sorry for myself I get mad with myself and march a little more determined towards my future. I don't believe that having a mere male in one's life will bring any kind of a blessing, but having one's own heart singing with joy and peace will and then THAT attracts the one whom matches one's own higher vibration. I don't want mediocre, but the best for me and that which serves the highest good for me as well as him, but all others around us. The best is yet to come as they say and that's how I will sign off....
Viva LA Viva......:-)
BF13
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Good Finnish Christmas food and red wine..... and a dream of a B&B....
Christmas in July ..... As a tradition that I am endeavoring to establish I am once again having Xmas in July. It started as a occasion to eat and enjoy the traditional Finnish Christmas fare as the summers are too hot for all the oven cooking that is required. So for the second time I am doing it all in July. The tree will go up , the carols will play, the candles will burn and the good cooking is to be eaten with family and friends. We will share in Secret Santa gifts and this year the limit is from $10-20 and the two grandchildren will receive something small and fun as their Christmas in July presents. All in fun of giving and receiving, Love and laughter. The gifts will be numbered and popped into a decorated laundry basket and everyone will pull a number from a 'hat' and receive their gifts. If by chance someone pulls out their own they can change and pick another.
It will be an evening of laughter, good conversation, warmth and merriment as people enjoy the warmth and the the good food along with their chosen tipple as the Carols and light classical play as a background music.
I am trying to decide what to pick as my Secret Santa present. My Housemate has decided on a fragrant Rosebush with rose food and an aphids spray. He'll pop it all into a large gift bag from the 2 dollar shop and tape the bag shut. What a nice idea. I have thought of finding a bay tree or a lemon/lime tree from the garden center so people can grow their own gifts. Must go tomorrow and do some shopping, hehe... I am going to have fun. I love getting thoughtful and unusual presents, but also giving them.Cannot forget lotsa candles so need to swing over to the local GoLow/Clints for those.
The food shopping tomorrow will see me organized for the Saturday cooking spree. My goodness IL Divo and the rest will play in earnest as I tend to cook with music and along with cooking dance a jig when the spirit takes me along with the food coming along. My philosophy is that if the cook is happy and loving it so the people ingesting the food will ingest that happy and the loving energy.... so JOY to the WORLD. I will set up the house into a Christmas mode also and set everything ready on Friday after cleaning the house, so Saturday will just be a relaxed and a happy cooking day. I love it....!
People have said to me I should have bed and breakfast as I enjoy making people comfortable and happy in my environment. Hmmmm.... so I would like to, but I would want the Kindred Spirit/Soul mate Partner to share in it. I look at it as load shared is a load halved, but also I would enjoy sharing the joy with someone dear and near... a Soul mate Partner in other words. What fun would it be with two bringing their individual gifts and ideas to the table and sharing the creation of the mood, warmth, joy and the welcoming energy for those arriving. It is, but in destiny to see if that eventuates.
Talking about B&B's I would make mine a smaller affair. Max 6 people at the table and staying. It'd be small and intimate with cosy, spotlessly clean rooms, beautiful, soft music floating around in the common areas, flowers in the vases from the beautiful garden to be enjoyed ( gees, I'd need a Gardener, HEY the Soul mate of course.... heheh) and good food in the mornings. Dinners would be cooked ( good ol' home cooking and BBQ's) at request only and for the 'friends' staying it would be BYOG. That way I would not need a liquor license.
I'd set the whole thing up in Shabby Chic Style with lots of white, clean linen and large, fluffy, white towels fresh every day and natural bathing products. Large cushions on settees, candles and fresh flowers, soft lighting, soft, airy rooms with soft and relaxing colours, spas or deep baths in the bathrooms and open fire in the common area that is made of natural rock to enjoy and good array of books and good magazines to read. Smoking in outdoor areas only which in the winter would be softly lit with heating in the form of outdoor heaters and/or a slow combustion heater area where people could sit and converse, protected from a weather and winds.
Sounds Heavenly for long weekends and an antidote for the bustling of the Cities and busy work week. Making people happy and relaxed after a weekend of joyful relaxation in this crazy world would be my gift to the Humanity...small, but more people happy and relaxed more of that energy to go around. Might be like a little rock hitting the pond, the energy just keep on going till it hits the shores and then it turns back toward the center. In other words what one gives out, one receives back and it goes on and on...so Joy to the World.
Indeed so be it and so it is.....
BF13
It will be an evening of laughter, good conversation, warmth and merriment as people enjoy the warmth and the the good food along with their chosen tipple as the Carols and light classical play as a background music.
I am trying to decide what to pick as my Secret Santa present. My Housemate has decided on a fragrant Rosebush with rose food and an aphids spray. He'll pop it all into a large gift bag from the 2 dollar shop and tape the bag shut. What a nice idea. I have thought of finding a bay tree or a lemon/lime tree from the garden center so people can grow their own gifts. Must go tomorrow and do some shopping, hehe... I am going to have fun. I love getting thoughtful and unusual presents, but also giving them.Cannot forget lotsa candles so need to swing over to the local GoLow/Clints for those.
The food shopping tomorrow will see me organized for the Saturday cooking spree. My goodness IL Divo and the rest will play in earnest as I tend to cook with music and along with cooking dance a jig when the spirit takes me along with the food coming along. My philosophy is that if the cook is happy and loving it so the people ingesting the food will ingest that happy and the loving energy.... so JOY to the WORLD. I will set up the house into a Christmas mode also and set everything ready on Friday after cleaning the house, so Saturday will just be a relaxed and a happy cooking day. I love it....!
People have said to me I should have bed and breakfast as I enjoy making people comfortable and happy in my environment. Hmmmm.... so I would like to, but I would want the Kindred Spirit/Soul mate Partner to share in it. I look at it as load shared is a load halved, but also I would enjoy sharing the joy with someone dear and near... a Soul mate Partner in other words. What fun would it be with two bringing their individual gifts and ideas to the table and sharing the creation of the mood, warmth, joy and the welcoming energy for those arriving. It is, but in destiny to see if that eventuates.
Talking about B&B's I would make mine a smaller affair. Max 6 people at the table and staying. It'd be small and intimate with cosy, spotlessly clean rooms, beautiful, soft music floating around in the common areas, flowers in the vases from the beautiful garden to be enjoyed ( gees, I'd need a Gardener, HEY the Soul mate of course.... heheh) and good food in the mornings. Dinners would be cooked ( good ol' home cooking and BBQ's) at request only and for the 'friends' staying it would be BYOG. That way I would not need a liquor license.
I'd set the whole thing up in Shabby Chic Style with lots of white, clean linen and large, fluffy, white towels fresh every day and natural bathing products. Large cushions on settees, candles and fresh flowers, soft lighting, soft, airy rooms with soft and relaxing colours, spas or deep baths in the bathrooms and open fire in the common area that is made of natural rock to enjoy and good array of books and good magazines to read. Smoking in outdoor areas only which in the winter would be softly lit with heating in the form of outdoor heaters and/or a slow combustion heater area where people could sit and converse, protected from a weather and winds.
Sounds Heavenly for long weekends and an antidote for the bustling of the Cities and busy work week. Making people happy and relaxed after a weekend of joyful relaxation in this crazy world would be my gift to the Humanity...small, but more people happy and relaxed more of that energy to go around. Might be like a little rock hitting the pond, the energy just keep on going till it hits the shores and then it turns back toward the center. In other words what one gives out, one receives back and it goes on and on...so Joy to the World.
Indeed so be it and so it is.....
BF13
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
To my Twin Soul
Where are you this moment?
Only in my dreams.
You're missing, but you're always
a heart beat from me.
I'm lost now without you,
I don't know where you are.
I keep watching, I keep hoping,
but time seems to keep us apart.
Is there a way I can find you,
is there a sign I should know,
is there a road I should follow
to bring you back home.
Winter lies before me
now you're so far away.
In the darkness of my dreaming
the light of you will stay.
If I could be close beside you
If I could be where you are
If I could reach out and touch you
and bring you back home.
Is there a way I can find you
Is there a sign I should know
Is there a road I could follow
to bring you back home
to me.
By Enya
Amarantine CD
Wise Words By Bertrand Russell from The Conquest of Happiness
When some misfortune threatens,
consider seriously and deliberately
what is the very worst
that could possibly happen.
Having looked at this
possible misfortune in the face,
give yourself a sound reasons
for thinking that after all
it would not be such a terrible disaster.
Such reason always exsists,
since the worst
nothing that happens to oneself
has any cosmic importance.
When you have looked for some time
steadily at the worst possibility
and have said to yourself
with real conviction " Well, after all,
that would not matter very much"
you will find that you worry diminishes
to quite extraordinary extent.
It may be necessary
to repeat the process a few times,
but in the end, if you have
shirked nothing in facing
the worst possible issue,
you will find that
your worry disappears altogether
and is replaced by a kind of exhilaration.
consider seriously and deliberately
what is the very worst
that could possibly happen.
Having looked at this
possible misfortune in the face,
give yourself a sound reasons
for thinking that after all
it would not be such a terrible disaster.
Such reason always exsists,
since the worst
nothing that happens to oneself
has any cosmic importance.
When you have looked for some time
steadily at the worst possibility
and have said to yourself
with real conviction " Well, after all,
that would not matter very much"
you will find that you worry diminishes
to quite extraordinary extent.
It may be necessary
to repeat the process a few times,
but in the end, if you have
shirked nothing in facing
the worst possible issue,
you will find that
your worry disappears altogether
and is replaced by a kind of exhilaration.
Monday, July 9, 2007
I thought maybe I should update this Blog with some news of what is happening in my circles and life.
Am still doing my practical for the medication administration course and finishing it off FINALLY this week. Bloody oath it has been like drinking tar and swallowing feathers with it. It's not the prac, but getting there either late evening for the 6 and 8 o'clock rounds or 7 am ( 5.30 wake-up call) on the floor for the 8 o'clock morning rounds. It COLD and dark outside and I'd rather be a bear and hibernate in front of a fire with a good glass of red something or steaming plate of crispy bacon and soft, free range eggs with mushies on the side than hit the road to give meds to sick people. Talk about compassion and recognition and the appreciation of the lasting good of further education.
I must say I believe as I get older that I should live a life of ease and luxury and just do social butterfly, goodie two shoes stuff... like hell I'd go barmy, but I won't say no to the life of LUXURY. No more worrying about the bills, could walk into a shop, buy myself a new pair of shoes without counting my budget, go out to my favorite restaurant sometimes for dinner and buy at least a $20 bottle of wino to go with it without thinking O.K will I have enough left over for emergencies before payday comes, and have a good day at a Day Spa when I feel old and stiff from working myself into that state helping others back onto their feet at the hospital, go on a adventure holiday in South America especially Peru with a bunch of like minded friends and be able to pay for their adventure, give more than a pittance to a street busker and set up a housing ( I'd call them The House of Sunshine) and medical and social assistance ( counselling etc) for the homeless, frail and infirm in mind, body and spirit .... the list goes on and on.
The Old School says for me to be happy I have my health, roof over my head, food on the table and a job.... yep I AM happy with that, but I WANT MORE! I can understand that philosophy after the war as my parents among many, many others were thank full just to have that basic stuff, but I WANT MORE... and SO BE IT and SO IT IS!!!! I want my Houses of Sunshine and I want my Day Spa days, etc and I want not to have to worry about bills and I want the Love of my life to SHARE it all. Is that too much to ask.... I DON"T THINK SO.
I have had an interesting time of it with a old friend recently as she got onto her high horse and started telling me how I should be with my family and was it really my business what and whom of them was where and when. Like Keh.... I was somewhat ( to put it mildly) taken back and replied to her that well... it was far, far more of MY business that hers being a mare acquaintance of the spoken family and to step back and get back into her hole for she had no business interfering nor right to question my authority to know and to get a life and see if she can take care of her own business and family business first before telling others what they should be feeling and doing. She also threw something I had entrusted her with back at my face and that disloyalty and viciousness is hard to swallow from whom I had thought and trusted as a friend so I spat it and her out before I choked in my disappointment and sadness of trusting her with the feelings I had at the time.
I think there were ulterior motives as in being attracted to one member of this family ( whom happens to be older, well off and a widow) and as she thought perhaps she was getting nearer she launched into a attack to exercise her muscle and grind any wrongly perceived or worrying opposition to the ground... Sorry to tell, but me thinks the member of the Family is in luurv with someone else and he is going to go for a holiday with this woman next month all around a Europe and paying all the expenses to boot ( now that is COURTING), so this 'friend' maybe got peeved off realizing it because she told me if he was to get sick and die in Europe it'd be easier and cheaper to cremate him there and then fly the ashes home. At the time I laughed about it, but later when the poo hit the fan I thought... Ummm ... is that sounding like woman scorned and how!!! Yikes....
Anyhow, needless to say I pulled back and just laid it down the line first with some measure of compassion (as I know what rejection feels many times over) and truth plus a warning not to tell people what they should be doing and how they should be feeling.
Over a decade friendship down the gurgler because of the vicious, self righteous and pompous e-mail she wrote to me. What is wrong with some women...as soon as there is a well off, older man around it's like the felines are scratching anything and everyone to get to him first and the competition heats up as they try and scratch and fight their way up only to find he's up on his pole sunning himself with his soul mate. In the mean time the felines have burnt bridges left, right and center and start blaming other for their sorry arses.
What the hell would one need to compete for as if the man is meant for one then he'll be there no matter what kind of adulation, competition and fight rages around him as he only will see you and feel love for you. Well, am not sure if it happens or am I dreaming the impossible dream, but that the sort of a man I WANT not some Romeo whom laps up all the attention in his vanity. Yikes again... he would not survive too long before being told there is a door and it ain't a revolving one and so take an opportunity to use it post haste before thrown through it by me and myself, heheh.
Where are the strong, confident, honorable, honest, good humoured and sensitive men. ARE they all dead in my age group (52) or are they all married or gay. I must say the men I have met take a quick hike after meeting me as I seem to scare the Bejesus out of them or then I don't match their image of a blond, long legged, hourglass figured Goddess as they ofcourse resemble Hercules ( yeah) and believe that Goddess they deserve with their own amazing, good looks. Male vanity again. Seems if a woman is independent, strong, confident, spiritual and with a wicked sense of humour they get scared and run. WHOOSH... don't see them for a dust and frankly don't want to because I generally would chew those scady cats up and spit them out before breakfast. Hmmmm... I have several female friends whom are the same and are truly the warrior women with their strength and resolve after Life's Storms have tempered them and more beautiful bunch I have not seen. They are not vicious and nasty, but with a strength, integrity, loyalty to their true friends, sense of amazing humour and an ability to laugh at themselves and at life. Now I'd like to meet the men to match these Warrior Women myself included for we'd make most powerful couples around with our twin souls. One of these Sisters has met hers and yes... I can tell you they are head over heals in love, have the greatest sex life ( has anyone heard of 3... yes gals 3 hour orgasms... I have), but also have the greatest of friendships and truly down to Earth partnership. WELL... where is mine I ask of the Heavens.... where IS IT... HMMMM??????
Never mind, the wait continues as I cannot push the river and in the mean time am living my life to the fullest and sharing this most beautiful planet with a bunch of amazing friends and family, knowing my day in the Sun will come... someday.
Viva La Viva!
Butterfly 13 :-)
Am still doing my practical for the medication administration course and finishing it off FINALLY this week. Bloody oath it has been like drinking tar and swallowing feathers with it. It's not the prac, but getting there either late evening for the 6 and 8 o'clock rounds or 7 am ( 5.30 wake-up call) on the floor for the 8 o'clock morning rounds. It COLD and dark outside and I'd rather be a bear and hibernate in front of a fire with a good glass of red something or steaming plate of crispy bacon and soft, free range eggs with mushies on the side than hit the road to give meds to sick people. Talk about compassion and recognition and the appreciation of the lasting good of further education.
I must say I believe as I get older that I should live a life of ease and luxury and just do social butterfly, goodie two shoes stuff... like hell I'd go barmy, but I won't say no to the life of LUXURY. No more worrying about the bills, could walk into a shop, buy myself a new pair of shoes without counting my budget, go out to my favorite restaurant sometimes for dinner and buy at least a $20 bottle of wino to go with it without thinking O.K will I have enough left over for emergencies before payday comes, and have a good day at a Day Spa when I feel old and stiff from working myself into that state helping others back onto their feet at the hospital, go on a adventure holiday in South America especially Peru with a bunch of like minded friends and be able to pay for their adventure, give more than a pittance to a street busker and set up a housing ( I'd call them The House of Sunshine) and medical and social assistance ( counselling etc) for the homeless, frail and infirm in mind, body and spirit .... the list goes on and on.
The Old School says for me to be happy I have my health, roof over my head, food on the table and a job.... yep I AM happy with that, but I WANT MORE! I can understand that philosophy after the war as my parents among many, many others were thank full just to have that basic stuff, but I WANT MORE... and SO BE IT and SO IT IS!!!! I want my Houses of Sunshine and I want my Day Spa days, etc and I want not to have to worry about bills and I want the Love of my life to SHARE it all. Is that too much to ask.... I DON"T THINK SO.
I have had an interesting time of it with a old friend recently as she got onto her high horse and started telling me how I should be with my family and was it really my business what and whom of them was where and when. Like Keh.... I was somewhat ( to put it mildly) taken back and replied to her that well... it was far, far more of MY business that hers being a mare acquaintance of the spoken family and to step back and get back into her hole for she had no business interfering nor right to question my authority to know and to get a life and see if she can take care of her own business and family business first before telling others what they should be feeling and doing. She also threw something I had entrusted her with back at my face and that disloyalty and viciousness is hard to swallow from whom I had thought and trusted as a friend so I spat it and her out before I choked in my disappointment and sadness of trusting her with the feelings I had at the time.
I think there were ulterior motives as in being attracted to one member of this family ( whom happens to be older, well off and a widow) and as she thought perhaps she was getting nearer she launched into a attack to exercise her muscle and grind any wrongly perceived or worrying opposition to the ground... Sorry to tell, but me thinks the member of the Family is in luurv with someone else and he is going to go for a holiday with this woman next month all around a Europe and paying all the expenses to boot ( now that is COURTING), so this 'friend' maybe got peeved off realizing it because she told me if he was to get sick and die in Europe it'd be easier and cheaper to cremate him there and then fly the ashes home. At the time I laughed about it, but later when the poo hit the fan I thought... Ummm ... is that sounding like woman scorned and how!!! Yikes....
Anyhow, needless to say I pulled back and just laid it down the line first with some measure of compassion (as I know what rejection feels many times over) and truth plus a warning not to tell people what they should be doing and how they should be feeling.
Over a decade friendship down the gurgler because of the vicious, self righteous and pompous e-mail she wrote to me. What is wrong with some women...as soon as there is a well off, older man around it's like the felines are scratching anything and everyone to get to him first and the competition heats up as they try and scratch and fight their way up only to find he's up on his pole sunning himself with his soul mate. In the mean time the felines have burnt bridges left, right and center and start blaming other for their sorry arses.
What the hell would one need to compete for as if the man is meant for one then he'll be there no matter what kind of adulation, competition and fight rages around him as he only will see you and feel love for you. Well, am not sure if it happens or am I dreaming the impossible dream, but that the sort of a man I WANT not some Romeo whom laps up all the attention in his vanity. Yikes again... he would not survive too long before being told there is a door and it ain't a revolving one and so take an opportunity to use it post haste before thrown through it by me and myself, heheh.
Where are the strong, confident, honorable, honest, good humoured and sensitive men. ARE they all dead in my age group (52) or are they all married or gay. I must say the men I have met take a quick hike after meeting me as I seem to scare the Bejesus out of them or then I don't match their image of a blond, long legged, hourglass figured Goddess as they ofcourse resemble Hercules ( yeah) and believe that Goddess they deserve with their own amazing, good looks. Male vanity again. Seems if a woman is independent, strong, confident, spiritual and with a wicked sense of humour they get scared and run. WHOOSH... don't see them for a dust and frankly don't want to because I generally would chew those scady cats up and spit them out before breakfast. Hmmmm... I have several female friends whom are the same and are truly the warrior women with their strength and resolve after Life's Storms have tempered them and more beautiful bunch I have not seen. They are not vicious and nasty, but with a strength, integrity, loyalty to their true friends, sense of amazing humour and an ability to laugh at themselves and at life. Now I'd like to meet the men to match these Warrior Women myself included for we'd make most powerful couples around with our twin souls. One of these Sisters has met hers and yes... I can tell you they are head over heals in love, have the greatest sex life ( has anyone heard of 3... yes gals 3 hour orgasms... I have), but also have the greatest of friendships and truly down to Earth partnership. WELL... where is mine I ask of the Heavens.... where IS IT... HMMMM??????
Never mind, the wait continues as I cannot push the river and in the mean time am living my life to the fullest and sharing this most beautiful planet with a bunch of amazing friends and family, knowing my day in the Sun will come... someday.
Viva La Viva!
Butterfly 13 :-)
Thursday, June 7, 2007
Experience
I have been ill with the virus going around and am starting to get better slowly as the virus works it's way out of my body. Had to attend my course last evening as I had to hand over two assignments and do a presentation.
As I came home and got into my jamas and a warm cardi I sat down in the living room to have a cuppa and a bite to eat as my house mate was doing the same. As we both sat and munched I had a strange feeling come over me. I was as if not quite present in this world, but not quite present in any other dimension either. Had very wispy and fleeting flashes of impressions like memories flash through, but could not quite catch them, but I knew they were not of this dimension, but another I was almost in. It was an oddest of sensations and it took me awhile to really ground myself back into this reality. As I did I told my friend about it and felt as if something phenomenal had happened. It was as if I was walking ( sitting) between the Worlds, one foot in one and another in the other and then just simply stayed a second or two in what my friend called a ' limbo land' till I was fully present here again.
I was amazed as it was a first time I had experienced such so strongly and I felt we are in the verge of moving fully to the higher dimension and that I was experiencing the higher dimensional Earth and this one at the same time thus one foot in one the other in another. There seems to be like a void in between and that's where I was for awhile before fully merging with this reality again. I obviously have been there before as my fleeting memories seemed to suggest, just could not catch them. No fear, just feelings of familiarity and surprise.
Interesting and I hope feelings continue to get stronger and the experiences grow clearer including the memories.
Aaah... I have asked to have a teacher sent to me that could inspire me to a new and fresh learning and growth as I felt I was stuck somewhere between 'who cares and I am not feeling the spark' land as far as my spiritual learning is concerned and this gave me a little light at the end of the tunnel. I am waiting for the Universe to show me the way and for the Teacher/Guide to arrive whom can inspire me to the new and the fresh bubbles of joyous discovery of life and all things of spirit again. Seems am stuck in the same ol', same ol' rut and have lost the oomph and the zing of the times gone when everything was such a wonder. I used to have these bubbles of joy and excitement build up and grow within as I discovered something new that felt true and resonated with me in the deepest of the inner levels and I knew then that what I was learning and discovering was true and right for me. Those bubbles have somehow gone a little flat and I feel I need an inspiration and such little experiences give me that little bit of hope all is not lost somewhere in the mire of my mind and 3rd-4th dimensional mire. Let's hope not and the inspiration I am wanting will light up my way again sooner rather than later.
May the joy and new discoveries make you heart sing and not sink.
Butterfly 13
As I came home and got into my jamas and a warm cardi I sat down in the living room to have a cuppa and a bite to eat as my house mate was doing the same. As we both sat and munched I had a strange feeling come over me. I was as if not quite present in this world, but not quite present in any other dimension either. Had very wispy and fleeting flashes of impressions like memories flash through, but could not quite catch them, but I knew they were not of this dimension, but another I was almost in. It was an oddest of sensations and it took me awhile to really ground myself back into this reality. As I did I told my friend about it and felt as if something phenomenal had happened. It was as if I was walking ( sitting) between the Worlds, one foot in one and another in the other and then just simply stayed a second or two in what my friend called a ' limbo land' till I was fully present here again.
I was amazed as it was a first time I had experienced such so strongly and I felt we are in the verge of moving fully to the higher dimension and that I was experiencing the higher dimensional Earth and this one at the same time thus one foot in one the other in another. There seems to be like a void in between and that's where I was for awhile before fully merging with this reality again. I obviously have been there before as my fleeting memories seemed to suggest, just could not catch them. No fear, just feelings of familiarity and surprise.
Interesting and I hope feelings continue to get stronger and the experiences grow clearer including the memories.
Aaah... I have asked to have a teacher sent to me that could inspire me to a new and fresh learning and growth as I felt I was stuck somewhere between 'who cares and I am not feeling the spark' land as far as my spiritual learning is concerned and this gave me a little light at the end of the tunnel. I am waiting for the Universe to show me the way and for the Teacher/Guide to arrive whom can inspire me to the new and the fresh bubbles of joyous discovery of life and all things of spirit again. Seems am stuck in the same ol', same ol' rut and have lost the oomph and the zing of the times gone when everything was such a wonder. I used to have these bubbles of joy and excitement build up and grow within as I discovered something new that felt true and resonated with me in the deepest of the inner levels and I knew then that what I was learning and discovering was true and right for me. Those bubbles have somehow gone a little flat and I feel I need an inspiration and such little experiences give me that little bit of hope all is not lost somewhere in the mire of my mind and 3rd-4th dimensional mire. Let's hope not and the inspiration I am wanting will light up my way again sooner rather than later.
May the joy and new discoveries make you heart sing and not sink.
Butterfly 13
Thursday, May 24, 2007
What the .....!
This morning am puzzled how some things can pop up from the past to bother one even making one angry and negative. I lay in bed just woken up when all of a sudden very negative thoughts started to pop into my head and the injustice of what happened last year still reverberates made me angry. The cowardice of the person whom was at the crux of the disaster made me steam and finally had to get up as I was almost huffing and puffing.
I feel that I should not be bothered any longer as the disaster had very blessed end results in the sense in the end, but when this coward that nearly killed a dear friend seems to be placing the blame on my friend instead of being humble and grateful that he did not end up in jail and that my friend is alive and powering on in many more ways than one makes me angry. I realize that I need to let go of it as indeed am truly grateful and ecstatic that my friend is doing so well after a horrific injury, but the injustice of trying to blame him seems to rankle me to no end.
Oh boy, that brings me to the judgment. The karmic laws of the Universe will work it out without the attachment and the emotion I have and I know all will get what they deserve in the end, but the judgment is there of this person having got away with not having to suffer the consequences of his actions and ONLY because my friend loves him and felt compassion. My friend is calm as a clam in a seawater about it all and I am the one bubbling and steaming over it all, again... dangerous as it can make it "mine" instead of "theirs" and will if am not able to let it go and flow.
Blah, and it does not make me feel good ( my compassion in this case seems to be little bit minute especially when the coward is trying to wheezle his way out of it by placing the blame on my friend), but I need to let it go rather than dwell on it as has my friend been able to do. I actually do not know the shoes these two have walked in their past and what their group karmic path involves so knowing that I rather just let it go and I suppose writing about it will help me to do just that. In a sense me involving myself in it will make it partly mine if am not careful and I don't want that. Judgment.... hard thing to catch before it happens and whoosh... we are in the midst of the mire before we realize it and the mire may not have our name on it at all. Need to let go and let God and let all those others battle the storms of their choice no matter how close one is to the centre of that storm. It would be wiser and healthier for one's equilibrium to keep the heck out of it and paddle to ones own corner of the sea as the distance will make it all look less threatening to one's own peace of mind. Thank goodness for the ability to share it through various ways as this and hopefully the wisdom of others will help even if unspoken. The releasing of it all seems to be draining away the negative....
Indeed interesting is the human psyche. It is all, but learning and I hope I am.... don't want to repeat the class....
If one desires a change, one must be that change before that change can take place.
By Gita Bellin
Looks like I have my school work cut out for me dear diary..... I think I need a Buddhist retreat or something. There is one Bowral me thinks, maybe I'll look into it. I need a calm, wise, centered and... caring guide for my heart to heal..... Where o' where are you..... One day am calm, collected and humming and the next am like an ant bitten frog, bouncing around in stingy skin with an aching heart. Bloody oath... am jumping up and down.... GRRRRR and Wa-WA-WAAAH. Tell you one thing dear diary the Guide needs the patience of the Saints, strength of Hercules and an amazing sense of humour to save his own sanity and the balance of his own soul to be able to handle this bubbling mini volcano... because if he doesn't it'll be scary and he'll whoosh outta my space post haste as some have done. Blaah... good riddance to a weak product...
Oh boy..... a big sigh.....
BF13 a memeber of the Sisterhood of Wa-Wa-Wa....
*Wa-Wa-Wa is a nonsense word, powerful in it's ability to dismiss as "just words" things and ideas that penetrate the mind space of your day, even fearful thoughts can be dismissed simply by saying and focusing on the mantra WA-WA-WA.
Wisdom by Silver Cloud.
P.S Dear diary, this has helped and I feel better, wheeh....
I feel that I should not be bothered any longer as the disaster had very blessed end results in the sense in the end, but when this coward that nearly killed a dear friend seems to be placing the blame on my friend instead of being humble and grateful that he did not end up in jail and that my friend is alive and powering on in many more ways than one makes me angry. I realize that I need to let go of it as indeed am truly grateful and ecstatic that my friend is doing so well after a horrific injury, but the injustice of trying to blame him seems to rankle me to no end.
Oh boy, that brings me to the judgment. The karmic laws of the Universe will work it out without the attachment and the emotion I have and I know all will get what they deserve in the end, but the judgment is there of this person having got away with not having to suffer the consequences of his actions and ONLY because my friend loves him and felt compassion. My friend is calm as a clam in a seawater about it all and I am the one bubbling and steaming over it all, again... dangerous as it can make it "mine" instead of "theirs" and will if am not able to let it go and flow.
Blah, and it does not make me feel good ( my compassion in this case seems to be little bit minute especially when the coward is trying to wheezle his way out of it by placing the blame on my friend), but I need to let it go rather than dwell on it as has my friend been able to do. I actually do not know the shoes these two have walked in their past and what their group karmic path involves so knowing that I rather just let it go and I suppose writing about it will help me to do just that. In a sense me involving myself in it will make it partly mine if am not careful and I don't want that. Judgment.... hard thing to catch before it happens and whoosh... we are in the midst of the mire before we realize it and the mire may not have our name on it at all. Need to let go and let God and let all those others battle the storms of their choice no matter how close one is to the centre of that storm. It would be wiser and healthier for one's equilibrium to keep the heck out of it and paddle to ones own corner of the sea as the distance will make it all look less threatening to one's own peace of mind. Thank goodness for the ability to share it through various ways as this and hopefully the wisdom of others will help even if unspoken. The releasing of it all seems to be draining away the negative....
Indeed interesting is the human psyche. It is all, but learning and I hope I am.... don't want to repeat the class....
If one desires a change, one must be that change before that change can take place.
By Gita Bellin
Looks like I have my school work cut out for me dear diary..... I think I need a Buddhist retreat or something. There is one Bowral me thinks, maybe I'll look into it. I need a calm, wise, centered and... caring guide for my heart to heal..... Where o' where are you..... One day am calm, collected and humming and the next am like an ant bitten frog, bouncing around in stingy skin with an aching heart. Bloody oath... am jumping up and down.... GRRRRR and Wa-WA-WAAAH. Tell you one thing dear diary the Guide needs the patience of the Saints, strength of Hercules and an amazing sense of humour to save his own sanity and the balance of his own soul to be able to handle this bubbling mini volcano... because if he doesn't it'll be scary and he'll whoosh outta my space post haste as some have done. Blaah... good riddance to a weak product...
Oh boy..... a big sigh.....
BF13 a memeber of the Sisterhood of Wa-Wa-Wa....
*Wa-Wa-Wa is a nonsense word, powerful in it's ability to dismiss as "just words" things and ideas that penetrate the mind space of your day, even fearful thoughts can be dismissed simply by saying and focusing on the mantra WA-WA-WA.
Wisdom by Silver Cloud.
P.S Dear diary, this has helped and I feel better, wheeh....
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Friends
Friends, the amazing people and beings that we could not live without and even if we could we would not want to. I have been fortunate to have some whom are amazingly strong, resourceful, generous, caring, honest, balanced and loyal, down to Earth People who's hearts are as large as a Universe and beyond, whom are fiercely independent,brave and creative people. I have indeed being blessed many times over. When I falter, have a moody day, think of going and eating a can of worms, go crazy in the crazy world or just need a sounding board these Friends step up onto the stage of my of life and share the journey with me. We have laughed till our sides ache and the clouds have disappeared from the skies of our souls, we have cried till the well of the tears is dry, we have created with our minds, hearts and imaginations that are fruitful, brave and open. We also share our fears, joys, trials and hopes with an uncanny honesty and believing that we are understood and secure in the knowledge that we don't have to worry about being judged or though silly or vain.
A Friend is a person or a being you can totally be yourself with and stand in your own truth and know you have those souls right beside you. I thank you my Friends for giving me the most precious gift I could only receive from you. Your caring, sharing and the laughter along with your support, encouragement, empathy, wisdom, honesty and loyalty means I am still sane. I would not want to be without you my Friends ever in my life for it would sound hollow and empty and be cold and misty grey. You add the sunlight moments, the warm summer rain and the giggles at jumping the puddles as we adventure along side by side on our paths of life and love.
Adios Amigos, Viva La Viva "Long Live Life", Sisterhood of Wa,Wa,Wa .... :-)
Butterfly13
Do not walk in front of me for I may not follow
Do not walk behind me for I may not lead
But walk beside me and share my journey and be my friend.
A Friend is a person or a being you can totally be yourself with and stand in your own truth and know you have those souls right beside you. I thank you my Friends for giving me the most precious gift I could only receive from you. Your caring, sharing and the laughter along with your support, encouragement, empathy, wisdom, honesty and loyalty means I am still sane. I would not want to be without you my Friends ever in my life for it would sound hollow and empty and be cold and misty grey. You add the sunlight moments, the warm summer rain and the giggles at jumping the puddles as we adventure along side by side on our paths of life and love.
Adios Amigos, Viva La Viva "Long Live Life", Sisterhood of Wa,Wa,Wa .... :-)
Butterfly13
Do not walk in front of me for I may not follow
Do not walk behind me for I may not lead
But walk beside me and share my journey and be my friend.
Monday, April 30, 2007
We are great if we believe in ourselves with muddy feet and all...
When you are inspired by some great purpose, some extraordinary project, all your thoughts break their bonds; your mind transcends limitations, your consciousness expands in every direction and you find yourself in a new, great and wonderful world. Dormant forces, faculties and talents become alive and you discover yourself to be a greater person by far than you ever dreamed yourself to be. By Patanjali
Belief, faith and trust.... three very hard and at times difficult things to do and have when we are in the throes of the 3rd-4th dimensional exsistence. We get lot of information are bombarded by huge amounts of very positive advise and assistance, but at times even the hardiest soul must falter and doubt if not the information then their own sanity and that of others. I know from my own personal experience that to be so and I must say my Guides and Team must have the patience of the Saints and their unconditional Love would surely be tested to the limits when I start kicking, screaming and spitting poison at them and life. I have visualized myself falling into a large, muddy hole on my path and rolled around like a little, pink piggie feeling sorry for myself and making such noise that me thinks even Mother/Father Creator Energy would slap a pair of earmuffs on as to lessen the impact of the racket on their Heavenly eardrums.
Eventually as I have had my fill of sulking, swearing and trying to drown my own sorry arse into the mire I finally stand up and shake myself free from the muddy goop and look up. Lo and behold, but whom do I see... Hark.... it is, but my Guides standing by the hole waiting for moi to extract myself from the sticky and dark sorry- for- myself substance. Aaahhh.... "DON'T give me a hand I CAN get up there by myself" I mumble as I start climbing up the slimy and slippery of my sorry- for- myself hole. Well... after numerous attempts to climb up and finding myself sliding down I sit and ponder should I roll around in the muck some more, but come to a conclusion that am bored with the whole hole and need to get up into the sun again. I manifest The Great Mountain Climbing Boots onto my muddy feet and some large railway nails and climb I do. After fair bit of mumbling, some more swearing and huffing and puffing I finally start to emerge out of the hole as my boots and the spikes keep me from slipping down again. The large railway nails help me to have more grip and FINALLY I emerge from the hell hole I so willingly almost jumped into. As I finally reach the edge and I slam the nail after the other over the edge to haul myself out I notice with some smugness that my friend Lazarus jumps backward as not to get nailed to the ground by his toes. Hmph, he'd have some sharing to do of his experience with the good 'ol Sanada... I muse as I finally pull myself out of the hole and stand up facing my Guides and Friends a tad sheepishly at my own silly stuff. Their faces are lit up with wide grins as they try and not laugh out as their Earthly charge finally stands with them again. As I admit and understand my reasoning for my fall and the consequent lesson that I had just over come the selfsorry, muddy critter dissapears and I am washed clean and dried by the sun as I stand and smile, shaking my head.
What is there to do, but turn toward the path leading me home again and hand in hand walk along with my good and dear friends and soulmates in the higher dimension and maybe even sing a song or two.... till the next fall and as THEY have said at times am sure " Ooops, here we go again..." and all they can see are my heals dissapearing into the hole and hear a lot of racket.
What is it with a human nature ( well, at least with mine)... we JUST can't seem to give ourseves a break, but have to work like Hercules at making it as difficult as possible and the path as winding and as full of obstacles as we possibly can. Beats me.... I have a whole wardrobe of mountain climbing boots and other tools to assist me out of my swampy mire and mountanious holes as I tend to identify with Shrek at times instead of the Earth Angels and one day ( fingers crossed) I'll earn my wings as I traverse my path with the boots slung over my shoulder, the pickaxe in one hand and the shovel in the other. My companions gracefully allow me my swamps and the holes as I deal with my negative side and they are ever ready to help if I happen to ask when my own ego does not prevent me from doing so. The wise part of me sometimes slaps the ego face down side up and and asks for assist and I do receive it post haste most of the time. Thank you my patient and loving companions, without you this journey would be totally with my nose scraping the road all the way home.
There is a saying that gives me some hope, heheh....
It is in self-limitation that a Master first shows himself..... By J.W Von.Goethe
Wonder if he had the same road as it seems the road well travelled, heh....:-)
Belief, faith and trust.... three very hard and at times difficult things to do and have when we are in the throes of the 3rd-4th dimensional exsistence. We get lot of information are bombarded by huge amounts of very positive advise and assistance, but at times even the hardiest soul must falter and doubt if not the information then their own sanity and that of others. I know from my own personal experience that to be so and I must say my Guides and Team must have the patience of the Saints and their unconditional Love would surely be tested to the limits when I start kicking, screaming and spitting poison at them and life. I have visualized myself falling into a large, muddy hole on my path and rolled around like a little, pink piggie feeling sorry for myself and making such noise that me thinks even Mother/Father Creator Energy would slap a pair of earmuffs on as to lessen the impact of the racket on their Heavenly eardrums.
Eventually as I have had my fill of sulking, swearing and trying to drown my own sorry arse into the mire I finally stand up and shake myself free from the muddy goop and look up. Lo and behold, but whom do I see... Hark.... it is, but my Guides standing by the hole waiting for moi to extract myself from the sticky and dark sorry- for- myself substance. Aaahhh.... "DON'T give me a hand I CAN get up there by myself" I mumble as I start climbing up the slimy and slippery of my sorry- for- myself hole. Well... after numerous attempts to climb up and finding myself sliding down I sit and ponder should I roll around in the muck some more, but come to a conclusion that am bored with the whole hole and need to get up into the sun again. I manifest The Great Mountain Climbing Boots onto my muddy feet and some large railway nails and climb I do. After fair bit of mumbling, some more swearing and huffing and puffing I finally start to emerge out of the hole as my boots and the spikes keep me from slipping down again. The large railway nails help me to have more grip and FINALLY I emerge from the hell hole I so willingly almost jumped into. As I finally reach the edge and I slam the nail after the other over the edge to haul myself out I notice with some smugness that my friend Lazarus jumps backward as not to get nailed to the ground by his toes. Hmph, he'd have some sharing to do of his experience with the good 'ol Sanada... I muse as I finally pull myself out of the hole and stand up facing my Guides and Friends a tad sheepishly at my own silly stuff. Their faces are lit up with wide grins as they try and not laugh out as their Earthly charge finally stands with them again. As I admit and understand my reasoning for my fall and the consequent lesson that I had just over come the selfsorry, muddy critter dissapears and I am washed clean and dried by the sun as I stand and smile, shaking my head.
What is there to do, but turn toward the path leading me home again and hand in hand walk along with my good and dear friends and soulmates in the higher dimension and maybe even sing a song or two.... till the next fall and as THEY have said at times am sure " Ooops, here we go again..." and all they can see are my heals dissapearing into the hole and hear a lot of racket.
What is it with a human nature ( well, at least with mine)... we JUST can't seem to give ourseves a break, but have to work like Hercules at making it as difficult as possible and the path as winding and as full of obstacles as we possibly can. Beats me.... I have a whole wardrobe of mountain climbing boots and other tools to assist me out of my swampy mire and mountanious holes as I tend to identify with Shrek at times instead of the Earth Angels and one day ( fingers crossed) I'll earn my wings as I traverse my path with the boots slung over my shoulder, the pickaxe in one hand and the shovel in the other. My companions gracefully allow me my swamps and the holes as I deal with my negative side and they are ever ready to help if I happen to ask when my own ego does not prevent me from doing so. The wise part of me sometimes slaps the ego face down side up and and asks for assist and I do receive it post haste most of the time. Thank you my patient and loving companions, without you this journey would be totally with my nose scraping the road all the way home.
There is a saying that gives me some hope, heheh....
It is in self-limitation that a Master first shows himself..... By J.W Von.Goethe
Wonder if he had the same road as it seems the road well travelled, heh....:-)
Sunday, April 22, 2007
....more on a Little Star
Well, she arrived on Friday evening after she made us all wait for a whole day even if the C-section was scheduled for 11.30 am. Mum had to have units of blood waiting and ready in case needed and lo and behold when they took tests she was found to have rare anti bodies in it ( only 1% humans have it) and thus it took them all day to find it. I suggested to my daughter that might consider blood donations in the future.
Little Star is a beautiful baby and as was noticed she has little pixie ears and is dainty little fairy girl with round cheeks and a quiet manner. Mum and the bub are at home now well and happy after my daughter decided she had had enough after not sleeping well and wanted to go home. The doctors and the nurses tried to talk her out of it, but knowing my head strong daughter she just said " I am going and that is that!" The midwife will visit at home to check on both. It was less than 48 hours and the medical staff were concerned, but after last one the same thing happened and that time mum and the son thrived in their own environment with dad's loving care.
Being a grandma is a gift and it is nice to be able to have the fun and not the hard work thought. It is indeed a young persons job being a parent to the future generations as I am far too old to run around all day after the busy bees. I can vouch for that after looking after my grandson for the whole of one day. With a great relief I arrived at the hospital around 9 pm to drop off my grandson to see his new baby sister and his parents. WHEWWWWW..... I absolutely cannot fathom how the older women in their 50's and older cope with their newborns and toddlers as I definitely would expire and take a journey into the spirit realm. I am 52 and one day is more than plenty at one time thank you. How do those grandparents cope whom look after their grandchildren on either part or full time basis when the parents work. Am afraid am not in that league as I have been there done that with the 3 I have and am afraid I leave the responsibility of bringing up their children to them and selfcenterdly I want to have fun and give them back when good and ready. I want to have a special kind of relationship with my grandchildren which does not include becoming a substitute parent to them and taking on the task bringing them up as I think happens in a full time care. I used to work professionally as a child care worker in a very good Center so I have some knowledge of children and the care provided. Nah... Mummi just wants to enjoy and have fun as well as love 'em and then leave them when both parties need their own space. We will become friends, buddies and co- conspirators as the young ones grow and blossom and not forgetting the camping trips, star gazing, telling each other of our dreams and hopes and have a good hugs and share stories of Mummi's childhood and youth.
Good life with lots of good things even if the terrors continue in the world. Let's not get too caught up in them and add into the energy of them. Let's instead look at the life as it is and is meant to be after all the positive will win the day ... it cannot be another way as it is far stronger energy in the end. Let's have that energy and add to it and be part of a Revolution of Love and Positive Energy to best of our abilities.... that is all anyone including ourselves can ask of us.
Selamat Ja! ( Sirian for Be in Joy) :-)
Little Star is a beautiful baby and as was noticed she has little pixie ears and is dainty little fairy girl with round cheeks and a quiet manner. Mum and the bub are at home now well and happy after my daughter decided she had had enough after not sleeping well and wanted to go home. The doctors and the nurses tried to talk her out of it, but knowing my head strong daughter she just said " I am going and that is that!" The midwife will visit at home to check on both. It was less than 48 hours and the medical staff were concerned, but after last one the same thing happened and that time mum and the son thrived in their own environment with dad's loving care.
Being a grandma is a gift and it is nice to be able to have the fun and not the hard work thought. It is indeed a young persons job being a parent to the future generations as I am far too old to run around all day after the busy bees. I can vouch for that after looking after my grandson for the whole of one day. With a great relief I arrived at the hospital around 9 pm to drop off my grandson to see his new baby sister and his parents. WHEWWWWW..... I absolutely cannot fathom how the older women in their 50's and older cope with their newborns and toddlers as I definitely would expire and take a journey into the spirit realm. I am 52 and one day is more than plenty at one time thank you. How do those grandparents cope whom look after their grandchildren on either part or full time basis when the parents work. Am afraid am not in that league as I have been there done that with the 3 I have and am afraid I leave the responsibility of bringing up their children to them and selfcenterdly I want to have fun and give them back when good and ready. I want to have a special kind of relationship with my grandchildren which does not include becoming a substitute parent to them and taking on the task bringing them up as I think happens in a full time care. I used to work professionally as a child care worker in a very good Center so I have some knowledge of children and the care provided. Nah... Mummi just wants to enjoy and have fun as well as love 'em and then leave them when both parties need their own space. We will become friends, buddies and co- conspirators as the young ones grow and blossom and not forgetting the camping trips, star gazing, telling each other of our dreams and hopes and have a good hugs and share stories of Mummi's childhood and youth.
Good life with lots of good things even if the terrors continue in the world. Let's not get too caught up in them and add into the energy of them. Let's instead look at the life as it is and is meant to be after all the positive will win the day ... it cannot be another way as it is far stronger energy in the end. Let's have that energy and add to it and be part of a Revolution of Love and Positive Energy to best of our abilities.... that is all anyone including ourselves can ask of us.
Selamat Ja! ( Sirian for Be in Joy) :-)
Thursday, April 19, 2007
Today I and all my Families will be blessed with a Little Star
I am sitting here @ an early hours of a very cool morning as I woke up excited and could not go back to sleep. So I created this Blog to honor the birth of my little grand daughter today. She's readying herself to come into this world this very moment as her Mummy will be having her today with her Daddy present at her arrival. Her big brother Joshua and I will go to the Zoo to pass the time and have some one on one precious time with his Mummi.
Grandchildren are most precious of gifts this world has bestowed on me. Joshua is a most amazing little boy of four and a half years of age. He has always had his ' invisible friends' with him. His mother told me of the times when he was a toddler and he communicated with a little girl, waving to her as he was driven off by his mum to go shopping. He'd point her out to his mummy, but to no avail as his mummy could not see what Josh could with his innocent and clear eyes. Now he talks with his friends and plays with them as a natural part of his young life and I am ever so glad his parents just treat it as part of his life instead of trying to squash his perceptions.
I have a strong feeling that the little girl was Amelia, his sister waiting patiently for her turn to be present on this Earth in physical and so she spent time with her brother and her family to get to know them again as she would have known them in Spirit. Today she will finally arrive.
Joshua continues to communicate, play and share with his friends and companions and I know one of them at least would be his Spirit Guide the special, chosen one that accompanies all from the day of their birth to this world and it usually is one's Twin Soul stayed behind to learn, accompany and care for the one present in the physical. Hmmmm... my family is expanding in all realms of the higher energy today. I only won't have a New Little Star in physical, but I will also enjoy the blessed presence of those whom accompany her to this realm of Light and Dark, the place of Dualities from the higher octaves of the Universal Energy. I welcome them to this Family of Earth Peoples and Forever Young Souls whole heartedly and am honored and ever so grateful to be blessed so by all of their presence.
Welcome to the World and onto the Earth Little Star and know you are much, much Loved and eagerly waited for by us all. We Love you. We will adventure together and share the Journey as only a grandmother and a grand daughter can.
Your Mummi and your friend forever.
Grandchildren are most precious of gifts this world has bestowed on me. Joshua is a most amazing little boy of four and a half years of age. He has always had his ' invisible friends' with him. His mother told me of the times when he was a toddler and he communicated with a little girl, waving to her as he was driven off by his mum to go shopping. He'd point her out to his mummy, but to no avail as his mummy could not see what Josh could with his innocent and clear eyes. Now he talks with his friends and plays with them as a natural part of his young life and I am ever so glad his parents just treat it as part of his life instead of trying to squash his perceptions.
I have a strong feeling that the little girl was Amelia, his sister waiting patiently for her turn to be present on this Earth in physical and so she spent time with her brother and her family to get to know them again as she would have known them in Spirit. Today she will finally arrive.
Joshua continues to communicate, play and share with his friends and companions and I know one of them at least would be his Spirit Guide the special, chosen one that accompanies all from the day of their birth to this world and it usually is one's Twin Soul stayed behind to learn, accompany and care for the one present in the physical. Hmmmm... my family is expanding in all realms of the higher energy today. I only won't have a New Little Star in physical, but I will also enjoy the blessed presence of those whom accompany her to this realm of Light and Dark, the place of Dualities from the higher octaves of the Universal Energy. I welcome them to this Family of Earth Peoples and Forever Young Souls whole heartedly and am honored and ever so grateful to be blessed so by all of their presence.
Welcome to the World and onto the Earth Little Star and know you are much, much Loved and eagerly waited for by us all. We Love you. We will adventure together and share the Journey as only a grandmother and a grand daughter can.
Your Mummi and your friend forever.
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