Well, another day has dawned and the World is still spinning as it has for millenniums. I have been sitting and reading my Will Kit and I have come to a conclusion it is all too complicated and silly for someone with no assets and lot of money in a bank. My goodness... my poor ol' stuff... who cares where it goes am sure and my kids won't want some of it so into Revolve shop me thinks it'll go. I am sure as I will go on for a while longer that eventually I will part with some of the more important stuff ( like the few things I have from the ol' country) and give them out to my kids, but only to those whom are interested in keeping them. I am once again in my unloading state and thus will look at what I can toss and give away.
It must be a periodic Nomad energies that engulf me and so I proceed to unburden myself of useless and old belongings to a tune of putting my clothing that I have not worn for past 2-3 years ( no, I won't lose weight...) into charity bags. Consequently that is why I have few belongings as I lighten myself up every couple of years and feel a little more free. This means there are hardly anything of any value to leave for my family as either they already have it or I never took it when I left the ex and left all of it behind to start afresh. I did not want the old energy dragging behind so I felt if I left it all par from the few domestic things and the presents which I had received from my family and the friends I'd be more free from the influences of our soured relationship and marriage as I struggled to start again and find myself and my purpose and I was right. It indeed assisted not having the energy stored in the " stuff" messing around in my life as I found it hard and messy enough going in every way to begin with. The scariest and the most soul searching journey that new beginning was as I never had been alone in my whole 37 years on this Earth and all of a sudden I was totally alone and responsible for everything in my life. It was like being a Babe in the Woods.... SCARY, lonely and DARK with strange noises, people and things. But I learned to navigate the Woods and became comfortable eventually and now I look forward to each new adventure.
The first Xmas alone after the 6 months was just most soul tearing experience, but at the same time the most educational time of my life. I understood then why that time of the year people commit most suicides.... no wonder as the loneliness is magnified thousand times when everybody else in the World is with Family and Friends and one it seems is the ONLY one alone. Of course there are millions of people alone at that time, but for me whom never had been it was a truly difficult and heart rending day. My Children whom were teenagers at the time stayed with their father as he to that date had been an exceptional parent and I felt they would be far safer and more settled staying with him and in their home rather than me whom was so totally lost in the wilderness those times. I know they had a hard and difficult time also adjusting, but they have come through it as exceptional adults and I am forever and extremely proud of them and grateful for the strong souls they are.
On the hind sight now am so bloody glad I survived as the personal growth was enormous and ever so welcome and I have become a far nicer, braver, able to laugh at life and myself and far more compassionate woman and a human being than what I was before. In fact I do not know the woman I was when I look at the photos taken before leaving over the years of the marriage. I look at a total stranger... who was she???? Indeed the change was so dramatic that I became a new and a different person or was it that I finally started to dig myself out from underneath of the other peoples' and my own old patterning and expectations and my own weakness to stand up and be counted as whom I really was rather than the mask that I had built up to hide behind. I feel compassion for that poor, lost soul and am ever so grateful for the 'horror' times in the past because they tempered me into who I am today, independent, compassionate and strong woman with an eccentric streak.
Nevertheless, I still don't have much to 'WILL' to anyone in my immediate family. I suppose as long as I have taken care of the expense of my 'last rites' at least I won't leave my family to worry about getting the carcass cremated. I suppose I have my Super, but if the World's economy keeps falling like it has begun well... it may not be worth the paper it's written on.
I hope I have imparted some good, kind and wise thing to my Family so that will be my legacy then. It is said that if we know that even one Life has breathed easier because we have lived, this is to have succeeded. How true.... a great legacy. Mother Theresa must be an Arch Angel in the Heavens by her Legacy then... I bloody well expect so.
I am not worried departing as such, but wanted my eventual Final Curtain not to cost thousands of dollars to my kids so I took a Funeral Plan. It gave me a peace of mind and if my quiz in it was correct I should look forward to my 93rd birthday. If am not healthy and happy it is then time for me to go and take a hike at the Himalayas or some vastly snowy country like some natives up in Arctic do and never return. Bugger it for a joke rotting in some nursing home... they'd throw me out anyhow for being a total pest and a rebel, leading a revolt against the system of mushed and mashed/blended goop and thickened fluids. Once the body is in the danger of not handling an adult diet and my bladder and bowels are in danger of going back to the babyhood it is a high time to expire, keel over, stop, drop and roll in an instant. JC and all the rest of the Saints won't want me joining them with the racket I'll be making on my entry in that case..." GIMME the BLOODY CONTRACT I WROTE NAPPIES and the GOOP INTO.....NOW!!!!! I WANNA SEE IT!!!!!" ... and if it is true my Higher Self would be a very wise Higher Self if it indeed migrated into another dimension in another Universe because I'd be on a HUNT. Hehehe.....LOL.
So I shall write my "will" and give it to my oldest son for the safe keeping with the Funeral Plan and he can do as he wills with it. I won't be here to sort it out, but probably sorting out my contractual mistakes at the Pearly Gates. They ( the Spirit Guides) are already perhaps planning my next incarnation or maybe their own post haste after my arrival to the Gates. Like I have said " Heaven doesn't want me and the Hell's afraid I'll take over..." HEHEH....
BF13 :-)
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