What the .....!

This morning am puzzled how some things can pop up from the past to bother one even making one angry and negative. I lay in bed just woken up when all of a sudden very negative thoughts started to pop into my head and the injustice of what happened last year still reverberates made me angry. The cowardice of the person whom was at the crux of the disaster made me steam and finally had to get up as I was almost huffing and puffing.

I feel that I should not be bothered any longer as the disaster had very blessed end results in the sense in the end, but when this coward that nearly killed a dear friend seems to be placing the blame on my friend instead of being humble and grateful that he did not end up in jail and that my friend is alive and powering on in many more ways than one makes me angry. I realize that I need to let go of it as indeed am truly grateful and ecstatic that my friend is doing so well after a horrific injury, but the injustice of trying to blame him seems to rankle me to no end.

Oh boy, that brings me to the judgment. The karmic laws of the Universe will work it out without the attachment and the emotion I have and I know all will get what they deserve in the end, but the judgment is there of this person having got away with not having to suffer the consequences of his actions and ONLY because my friend loves him and felt compassion. My friend is calm as a clam in a seawater about it all and I am the one bubbling and steaming over it all, again... dangerous as it can make it "mine" instead of "theirs" and will if am not able to let it go and flow.

Blah, and it does not make me feel good ( my compassion in this case seems to be little bit minute especially when the coward is trying to wheezle his way out of it by placing the blame on my friend), but I need to let it go rather than dwell on it as has my friend been able to do. I actually do not know the shoes these two have walked in their past and what their group karmic path involves so knowing that I rather just let it go and I suppose writing about it will help me to do just that. In a sense me involving myself in it will make it partly mine if am not careful and I don't want that. Judgment.... hard thing to catch before it happens and whoosh... we are in the midst of the mire before we realize it and the mire may not have our name on it at all. Need to let go and let God and let all those others battle the storms of their choice no matter how close one is to the centre of that storm. It would be wiser and healthier for one's equilibrium to keep the heck out of it and paddle to ones own corner of the sea as the distance will make it all look less threatening to one's own peace of mind. Thank goodness for the ability to share it through various ways as this and hopefully the wisdom of others will help even if unspoken. The releasing of it all seems to be draining away the negative....

Indeed interesting is the human psyche. It is all, but learning and I hope I am.... don't want to repeat the class....

If one desires a change, one must be that change before that change can take place.

By Gita Bellin

Looks like I have my school work cut out for me dear diary..... I think I need a Buddhist retreat or something. There is one Bowral me thinks, maybe I'll look into it. I need a calm, wise, centered and... caring guide for my heart to heal..... Where o' where are you..... One day am calm, collected and humming and the next am like an ant bitten frog, bouncing around in stingy skin with an aching heart. Bloody oath... am jumping up and down.... GRRRRR and Wa-WA-WAAAH. Tell you one thing dear diary the Guide needs the patience of the Saints, strength of Hercules and an amazing sense of humour to save his own sanity and the balance of his own soul to be able to handle this bubbling mini volcano... because if he doesn't it'll be scary and he'll whoosh outta my space post haste as some have done. Blaah... good riddance to a weak product...

Oh boy..... a big sigh.....

BF13 a memeber of the Sisterhood of Wa-Wa-Wa....

*Wa-Wa-Wa is a nonsense word, powerful in it's ability to dismiss as "just words" things and ideas that penetrate the mind space of your day, even fearful thoughts can be dismissed simply by saying and focusing on the mantra WA-WA-WA.

Wisdom by Silver Cloud.

P.S Dear diary, this has helped and I feel better, wheeh....